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Mom-ing

This week has been extra rough for me. I have been having “extreme” mom guilt. I feel guilty that BMW can’t count to 100 yet (not really), I feel guilty that I don’t “entertain” her throughout the day, I feel guilty that I am not a “good enough” homemaker—aka cleaner, cooker, baker, launder—I feel guilty that I am not a good enough wife and friend, I just feel guilty this week. Today I had a break down. Moming is hard work, don’t let anyone tell you that it’s not. I want to be the best mom, wife, friend, and daughter that I can be, but I honestly don’t even feel good enough for myself. I am ashamed of the way I look. I am ashamed of the lack of “romance” in Andrew and I’s relationship. I just feel down, guilty, ashamed, and blah. I hope that these next few days get better, but if not, I know that nothing lasts forever, and this mood will change. To all those moms out there feeling like this, know you are not alone!

-Ashley

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The Guide to Surviving Life

Hello everyone! Yes I am still alive, just taking a break from blogging. This was not on purpose, but it happened. So I am here today to ask all of you for some help: I am writing a book, story, list (not really sure yet) of things for BMW to help her survive life, and want to know what ideas you all have. So far I have a list of 23 items, but I want to make this so comprehensive that “all” of her future questions, concerns, and thoughts can be answered. So do you have any advice for me to add? Any stories or situations you were in that you thought “_____” this would have been good to know? Please let me know!

-Ashley

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30 Days of Gratitude: Talent or Skill

Out of the 30 Days of Gratitude posts, this one is hardest for me and this is one of the reasons why I am trying to better myself. I don’t think that I have any particular skill or talent outside of making sure BMW, the pups, and Andrew survive each day. This is a big deal I know, but I wish I could say “______” is my talent and I am so proud of it. This is a problem for me, never thinking that what I do is good enough. I know I constantly put myself down, and that needs to change ASAP. I need to be providing and showing BMW good examples of self-talk, and that is very hard for me. I am grateful that I am noticing my thoughts and actions more lately. I am grateful that Andrew constantly says great things about me when I am putting myself down. So, I am going to turn this grateful for a skill or talent post into a challenge post. I challenge myself to positive self-talk throughout the day. I challenge myself to say one positive thing about myself a day. I challenge myself to compliment more and often. I challenge myself to a better self.

-Ashley

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30 Days of Gratitude: Friend/ Family

I am grateful for everyone that helps Andrew, BMW, and I on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis. We are so lucky to have family that will come over at a call’s notice. We are lucky to have family we can call and talk to when times are tough, or when BMW and I are bored. I am grateful to have family members that will help with construction or laundry. I am grateful that we get to see most of our family on a weekly, or monthly, basis. We do have some family members that live out of the area, but thankfully BMW has met and spent some time with them.

I am also grateful to have another mom to spend some time with. Although it hasn’t been as much as I would like to due sick kiddos, it is nice getting out every now and then and being with someone who understands this SAHM thing. I hope (and I hope that she feels the same way) that we can spend more time together as the weather and our kids get better.

Andrew and I have much to be grateful for, and if we haven’t told you personally how grateful we are for you we apologize. We are very grateful for each and every one of you, and we hope you never forget that.

Thank you.

-Ashley

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30 Days of Gratitude: Small Thing That Happened

Does it seem like all I do is brag about my husband on here lately? I think I have been, and for good reason: he really is a great man, husband, father, and friend. With that being said, the small thing that happened that I am grateful for is Andrew deciding we were going to go on a date. Usually Andrew asks if I want to go out, and most times I will say no because: I am tired, we have no money, we have no one to watch BMW (which we could always have someone if we really wanted), and so on. I could honestly find a new excuse every day, but this time he just decided it which I loved. We didn’t do anything crazy just went to dinner at Outback because he earned a gift card this week at work. Free, or almost free, is the best date night one could have (in my opinion). We were gone for about two hours, but it was a great two hours. We stayed off our phones the entire time, so it was just our time— plus all the other customers at the bar. Although it was a short time, the best part of the night was Andrew wanting to take me out and not letting me say no.

-Ashley

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30 Days of Gratitude: Small Thing

Some days and mornings are harder than others; today is one of those days. BMW woke up at 5:30 this morning full of energy. Why you may ask? Well Andrew and I would like to know that too. With that being said, the one small thing that I am grateful for today is my cell phone alarm. I was lucky enough—or mean enough—to have Andrew take BMW out of the room this morning so I could try to get some more sleep before work. I would like to think that without my alarm, and my phone, I would still be sleeping now (only in my dreams…pun intended). I know that most days I overuse my phone, but days like today I am grateful for the wake up. I am also grateful that my husband and I have our own phones where we can call, text, or snap chat throughout the day. Some days I am extra lonely and needy so Andrew gets many calls from BMW and me, and other days he may only get one. Either way we are extremely grateful for the many uses and positive impact phones have on our lives.

-Ashley

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30 Days of Gratitude: Form of Expression

Having tried a few different methods of expression, I have found my way to blogging. For me it is just like journaling, but honestly it is easier for me to remember to write on here than in a journal. I like how I can be (pretty) honest and talk about what is going on in my life without written judgment. Maybe if I were a more popular blogger I would worry about written judgment, but until that day I will continue to write about what I want without that fear. I like how I have found different “challenges” to do to keep my blogging up and moving. There are so many ideas out there for bloggers, and that helps open my mind and keeps this fun and alive. It does get difficult writing about more personal issues, like how to word certain thoughts without being too insensitive to those the writing may be about, but I think I have done a very good job so far. Even though my life is pretty boring, I think that I have talked about a good range of things in the few months that I have been back at this. I am always open to suggestions on topics I could write about, so do not be afraid to suggest things! In the following months I would like to try some other forms of expression like painting or poem writing, but we will see if those actually come about.

-Ashley